Change the World

How Can We Instill Pride in Our Kids?

With Pride Season upon us, the Daddy Squared guys take a look at pride celebrations from the perpspective of a gay parent.

What is Pride? As Pride Month is now upon us, we wanted to take a look at pride a little more from the parenting perspective: how can we instill self-pride in our kids – pride for our kids in who they are and in where they come from? We turned to Ariel Foxman, a writer, a journalist and a thinker, to talk about the issue. We hope that our conversation will inspire you.



"I think that what's interesting about being a gay dad, which I don't think straight parents necessarily think about. It's like 'I can be something that my child may not be,'" says Ariel Foxman. "We're Jewish, my child will be raised Jewish. Will he stay Jewish? In practice? I don't know. Will he have the fundamentals of Judaism? Yes, because that's the house he grows up in."

"[my kid] is Hispanic, he will always be Hispanic. I will never be Hispanic but his other father is. So what's our responsibility in terms of understanding his culture, his heritage where he's from, where he's going. My being gay, though, has no bearing on whether or not he will be gay, queer, straight, whatever. So I think there's a little less pressure about that for me in that 'you need to know that all people are the same, everyone is different at the same time and that's ok. You don't have to worry about having to judge one thing verses the other. Everything is ok.'"

It's pretty clear that these little things we consistently do in front of our children add up. "For me, and I know for my husband, it really boils down to not being judgmental as best we can as human beings and respecting everyone as they cross your path," says Ariel.

"I think it's probably easier to say 'take them to museums and read them books and put them in a class and be very, very proud about the things that you are and then be in a household where they don't treat some relatives nicely, talk about people behind their back, they're short with the waiter in the restaurant, these things that insulate people and make them feel better or higher than other people

"It's not necessarily what comes to mind when you think about pride or respect but if a child sees that you consistently treat everybody equally, then having pride in yourself is like a no-brainer."

Gay Dads: Show Up At Pride Parades

A note to all you gay dads and prospective gay dads about Gay Pride parades and events this month: Many of us might be tired of these things. And especially if we live in one of the super gay cities, we may wonder what, really, is the point? But Alex & Yan are here to ask you to go. Show up. Bring the kids. I can promise that no matter where you live, many, many young people (and some not so young) at the Parade will be secretly asking themselves, "Can my life as a gay man be full? Can it be real?" All of you are the very best answers to that question. Go answer them by BEING THERE!

About Our Guest: Ariel Foxman

Ariel Foxman is a content specialist working with a portfolio of lifestyle and direct-to-consumer brands. He is also a contributing editor to Vanity Fair and writes a regular column on gay parenting for Maisonette.He has written for Time magazine, Fortune, New York, and The New York Times, among others, and was editorial director of leading fashion media brands InStyle and StyleWatch. Ariel is a frequent speaker on such topics as careers, fashion, and publishing, and is a lecturer at New York University's Summer Publishing Institute and School of Professional Studies. He's also a board member at GLAAD.

Ariel and his husband Brandon live in New York City with their son, Cielo Rimon Foxman-Cardet.

Show Comments ()
Change the World

In the Philly Area? Attend 'Family Pride' On October 5th!

Philadelphia Family Pride is hosting their 10th Annual "Family Matters" Conference on October 5th for LGBTQ parents, prospective parents, and their kids!

Guest post by Stephanie Haynes, the executive director of Philadelphia Family Pride

On Saturday, October 5, 2019, Philadelphia Family Pride will hold their 10th Annual Family Matters Conference from 9am to 3:30pm for LGBTQ parents, prospective parents and their kids of all ages at the University of the Sciences in West Philadelphia. The theme this year is "Telling Our Stories." Registration is now open!

In an interactive keynote, Anndee Hochman, author of the Philadelphia Inquirer's weekly "Parent Trip" column, will share highlights from her work as a journalist and memoirist. She'll invite conversation about the stories that shape us—what tales do we share? who does the telling? who is left out?—and how those stories, added up, are changing the world. Read her bio.

Keep reading... Show less
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

5 Reasons Why We Love Gays With Kids!

Our longtime blogger Erik Alexander breaks down five reasons he loves Gays With Kids to celebrate our 5th birthday!

Photo Credit: BSA Photography

In the divisive and polarizing environment that gay dads live in today, what would we do without Gays With Kids? Honestly.
Just think about it. GWK gives the gay dads of America and across the world an outlet to feel a sense of belonging and inclusion that, for many, is difficult to find. Furthermore, GWK is primarily about us—gay dads.

With that being said, this is GWK's 5th anniversary! So how better to show my appreciation than to list My 5 reasons Why: We Love Gays With Kids!

Keep reading... Show less
Change the World

What Does Pride Mean to Gay Dads?

Gay dads reflect on how far we've come in the 50 years since Stonewall, and how far we have yet to go.

We caught up with 12 gay dads from across the country to ask them what pride celebrations mean to them as members of both the gay parenting and LGBTQ communities.

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Family Stories

These Dads Had 'Twins' — Just Four Months Apart

Angel and Dan's wanted twins, without the complications of a twin pregnancy — so they worked with two separate surrogates at once.

If you have ever been out late on a Saturday night, you may have high hopes of meeting a handsome stranger, but you probably wouldn't expect to meet your future husband. Angel Mario Martinez Garcia, 45, surely didn't when, five years ago on a very early Saturday morning in Barcelona, he casually approached Dan's Mouquet, 40, and asked him, over many gin and tonics, what he wanted out of life. The nightlife setting notwithstanding, Dan's told Angel he ultimately wanted a quiet life, with a partner and children.

Keep reading... Show less
Politics

Gestational Surrogacy Legalized in New York State

The Child-Parent Security Act, which legalizes commercial surrogacy in New York State, was included in the 2020 New York State Budget signed by Governor Cuomo

Yesterday, a years-long battle about the state of compensated gestational surrogacy came to an end in New York when the Governor signed into a law the Child-Parent Security Act in the 2020 as part of the state budget.

The effort stalled last year after opponents, including several Democrats, successfully argued that the bill didn't go far enough to protect women who serve as surrogates — even though it included a surrogate "bill of rights," the first of its kind in the country, aimed at ensuring protections.

"Millions of New Yorkers need assistance building their families — people struggling with infertility, cancer survivors impacted by treatment, and members of the LGBTQ+ community," the Family Equality Council said in a statement about the victory. "For many, surrogacy is a critically important option. For others, it is the only option. Passage of the Child-Parent Security Act is a massive step forward in providing paths to parenthood for New Yorkers who use reproductive technology, and creates a 'surrogate's bill of rights' that will set a new standard for protecting surrogates nationwide."

Opponents, led by Senator Liz Krueger, had once again attempted to torpedo legalization efforts this year by introducing a second bill that would legalize surrogacy in New York, but also make it the most restrictive state in the country to do so. "A bill that complicates the legal proceedings for the parents and potentially allows them to lose their genetic child is truly unfortunate," said Sam Hyde, President of Circle Surrogacy, referencing to the bill's 8-day waiting period. He also took issue with the bills underlying assumptions about why women decide to serve as a surrogate. The added restrictions imply that "they're entering into these arrangements without full forethought and consideration of the intended parents that they're partnering with," he said.

The bill was sponsored by State Senator Brad Hoylman, an out gay man who became a father via surrogacy, and Assemblymember Amy Paulin, who has been public with her experiences with infertility.

"My husband and I had our two daughters through surrogacy," Holyman told Gay City News. "But we had to travel 3,000 miles away to California in order to do it. As a gay dad, I'm thrilled parents like us and people struggling with infertility will finally have the chance to create their own families through surrogacy here in New York."

"This law will [give intended parents] the opportunity to have a family in New York and not travel around the country, incurring exorbitant costs simply because they want to be parents," Paulin said for her part. It will "bring New York law in line with the needs of modern families."


Personal Essays by Gay Dads

Just Like Dad: Ways My Kids and I Are Alike

Joseph Sadusky recounts the ways he and his adopted sons are cut from the same cloth.

Editor's Note: This is the third in a series of excerpts from Joseph Sadusky's new book, Magic Lessons: Celebratory and Cautionary Tales about Life as a (Single, Gay, Transracially Adoptive) Dad. The book contains many stories about my life as a dad, as well as lessons learned, and we're excited to share several excerpts from the the book over the course of the next few months. Read previous installments here!

Keep reading... Show less
Expert Advice

4 Tips for Single Gay Dads Raising Daughters

Here are some ways to create a safe space for your daughter to discover who she is, with you by her side.

There's nothing quite like father-daughter relationships, and when it comes to single dads, your little girl likely holds a very special place in your heart. From the moment she's born, it's as if you can see every moment of her life in front of you, from her first steps to walking her down the aisle at her wedding. You'll be the first man she'll know and talk to, and you'll be her biggest example of what a loving man looks like. She'll come to you for advice on how to navigate challenges, be independent, treat others and grow into herself.

Your relationship with your daughter may be shaped by your personal history, whether you've been through a difficult divorce or breakup, you've transitioned out of a straight relationship, or you made the courageous decision to pursue surrogacy on your own. Whatever your situation is, studies have shown that children with involved fathers excel more in school and have fewer behavioral issues in adolescence.

Keep reading... Show less

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse