How One Single Gay Man is Preparing for Fatherhood

31-year-old Dane had almost resigned himself to the fact that he would never become a dad. But a move from Los Angeles to Fort Collins, Colorado and a new perspective on life and helped him see clearly that being a parent could be part of his future. Dane is yet to take some of the first steps in his journey to fatherhood, other than starting to save, but he's excited for when that day comes. Why does he want to be a dad? "The best relationship I have is with my father," shared Dane. "He makes me want to be a dad."

Tell us about your preferred path to parenthood. I lean towards surrogacy because I'm an only child and the only biological grandchild on my father's side of the family. Our name is on my shoulders to pass on. But, there's also the bond I share with my father. We're so similar. I would really like to one day have the experience of introducing my dad to a grandchild that also shares a lot in common with him. But I have also learned that the path we envision taking or the plan we put work into developing is often not what is ultimately meant to be, and I am absolutely open to however fatherhood manifests.

Have you found enough information about your preferred path to parenthood? I don't know if there will ever be "enough." But there is a wealth of information out there on surrogacy and adoption, and resources specifically for single men like myself. I will likely continue to compile until I'm absolutely ready to pull the trigger.

What do you think is your biggest obstacle to becoming a dad? Feeling unprepared.

What steps have you taken towards becoming a dad? I'm saving money and doing research. That's the stage I'm in.

What fears or concerns do you have about becoming a dad? Does your sexuality/gender identity play into those fears?Becoming a dad is not something I fear. There's just an innate feeling "everything will be ok" within me that makes the prospect of fatherhood something I really look forward to. I'm sure I'll have moments of being nervous or stressed or anxious, but still, I think everything will ultimately be fine.

What most excites you about becoming a dad? Spending time my kid and my dad, just the three of us.

Did you always want kids and what happened to change your mind? It's not that I didn't want kids, I simply resigned myself to thinking that becoming a father was a near impossibility that I shouldn't put a lot of hope into. But at around 27 I realized that where I was living at the time (Los Angeles) was playing a big role in influencing my thinking in regards to what I could achieve pertaining to family. I realized that, if I was going to be serious about pursuing fatherhood and the quality of life I wanted for myself and a child, I would have to eventually leave. Which I did! To northern Colorado. I'm much happier here than I ever was in Los Angeles and feel better about becoming a father here, single or otherwise.

How soon do you hope to start your family? I'm 31 now. If I had to put a number on it, I'd like to begin the process of surrogacy or adoption by the time I'm 34. But it could be sooner or later.

What are you most looking for in a potential partner? A supportive, equitable, patient, health conscious, empathetic person who is committed to the idea of growing a family, navigating the struggles and complexities that come with raising a child, who is also committed to keeping our lives together vibrant and interesting.

As a gay man who wants children one day, what is dating like for you? It's tough. I've dated a lot of great men who simply have different goals or want to live their lives in vastly different ways from how I want to live mine. And I accept that. I'm comfortable with the idea of being a single parent. But I do consider a desire for children and family to be a metric by which I measure long term compatibility.

What are your biggest concerns about becoming a single dad? Having enough time and money! As long as I've got these resources sorted out, I can handle anything fatherhood wants to throw at me.

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Couple That Met at the Gym Now Spotting Each Other Through Fatherhood

How two real New-Yorkers became two soft-hearted dads

This article is part of our family feature series with Circle Surrogacy, a surrogacy agency that has been helping LGBTQ+ singles and couples realize their dream of parenthood for the past 20 years.

Byron and Matthew Slosar, both 41, met ten years ago at one of New York City's Equinox gyms. "I asked him for a spot on the bench press," smiled Byron. The couple were married September 22, 2012.

Surrogacy was always the way Byron and Matthew wanted to become parents. They chose to wait and become dads later in life, until they had established careers and the financial means to pursue their chosen path.

They signed with Circle Surrogacy after interviewing a few agencies. "We immediately connected with their entire staff, particularly Anne Watson who lovingly dealt with my healthy neuroses on the daily for 1.5 years," said Byron. "They definitely personalized the service and helped us understand all 2,000 moving parts." The dads-to-be were also very impressed with how much emotional support they received from Circle.

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Adopting an Older Child Through Foster Care Was the Best Path for These Dads

After learning more about older-child adoption through You Gotta Believe, Mark and Andrew decided it was the best way for them to form their family.

"Hey! I got adopted today! These are my dads, Mark and Andrew!"

Jeremy was 16 years old when he found out his new dads wanted to adopt him.

In late August 2017, husbands Mark and Andrew Mihopulos, 34 and 36 respectively, remember driving out to the east end of Long Island. They knew at the very same moment they were driving, social workers were letting Jeremy know they wanted to adopt him. "We expected Jeremy to be hesitant or feel mixed emotions," shared Mark. "We didn't know how he would feel about having two dads and about having white parents and family, as he is a black young man."

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Gay Dad Family Stories

Philippe "Swiped Right" on This Handsome Young Dad

At first, Philippe wasn't sure he could date a man who was a dad. But Steve, and his son Gabriel, have helped him realize a "fatherly side" of himself he didn't know he had.

"It's been one hell of a ride since the beginning," said 26-year-old Steve Argyrakis, Canadian dad of one. He was 19 when he found out he was going to be a dad and the mom was already several months along in her pregnancy. Steve, who lives in Montreal, was struggling with his homosexuality but wanted to do the "right thing," so he continued to suppress his authentic self. "I was so scared about the future and about my own happiness, that I had put aside my homosexuality once again."

A couple of months later, little Gabriel was born, and it was love at first sight.

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Change the World

Gay Dads Featured in Enfamil Commercial

A new ad for Enfamil showcases two gay men talking about their daughter.

The best kind of inclusion is when you're not singled out but instead included right along with everyone else. This kind inclusion inspires others to pursue their own dreams and desires, just like any one else. As part of our popular culture, we know that brands are uniquely suited to inspire us in this way.

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Gay Dad Life

Cooking with Kids: An Interview with David Burtka

David Burtka sits down with us to talk about his new book "Life is a Party."

When you're a young couple it's easy to order in or dine out on a daily basis, but when the kids come along, spending time in the kitchen to prepare nutritious and healthy meals for them can become a problem for some dads. We turned to gay dad and celebrity chef David Burtka who just published his debut recipe book Life is a Party, to get some advice, inspiration, and support as we take our baby steps in the kitchen.

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Daughter of Married Gay Couple Who Used Surrogacy Abroad Isn't Citizen, Says U.S. State Department

A decades-old law can be used to discriminate against gay couples who use surrogacy abroad.

James Derek Mize and his husband Jonathan Gregg are both American citizens, but their daughter, born via a surrogate, may not be, at least according to the U.S. State Department.

The New York Times took an in-depth look at this case in a piece that ran in the paper yesterday. While James was born and raised in the U.S, his husband Jonathan was originally born in Britain. That may be enough, according to the State Department, to deny their daughter citizenship.

"We're both Americans; we're married," James told the New York Times. "We just found it really hard to believe that we could have a child that wouldn't be able to be in our country."

According to decades-old immigration law, a child born abroad must have a biological connection to a parent that is a U.S. citizen in order to be eligible to receive citizenship upon birth. Children born via surrogacy are determined to be "out of wedlock," according to the Times report," which then requires a more onerous process to qualify for citizenship, such as demonstrating that a biological parent is not only an American citizen, but has spent at least five years in the country.

The intent of the law, which dates back to the 1950s, was to prevent people from claiming, falsely, that they are the children of U.S. parents. But LGBTQ advocates argue this archaic policy is being used intentionally to discriminates against same-sex couples, who often have to rely on donors, IVF and surrogacy in order to have biologically children, and are thus held to a higher standard.

"This is where our life is. This is where our jobs are," James told the Times. "Our daughter can't be here, but she has no one else to care for her."

Read the whole story here.


Ain't No Party Like a Gay Dad Dance Party

Gay dads singing and dancing with their kids is EXACTLY what you need to get your weekend started right.

Who jams to Led Zeppelin with their kids?

Who rocks some sweet moves to Kelly Clarkson?

Who sings along with their kids in the car?

Who breaks it down with a baby strapped to them in a carrier?

We all do! But these guys happened to catch it all on tape for us to enjoy! Thanks dads. 😂

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