Gay Dad Life

"Now We Have Everything": Congrats to Gay Dads Whose Families Recently Grew!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded in September a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!


Congratulations to Melton and Thomas on the adoption finalization of their daughter, Kendall!

In 2005, Thomas and Melton became first-time dads to their eldest daughter Kendra, but it took 10 years of legal wrangling to finalize her adoption. (Read their story here.) Now, they have three daughters, and recently finalized the adoption of Kendall on August 20th, their second eldest whom they've been fathers to since she was 2 days old.

"Kendall came into our lives on September 9, 2016, two days after her birth," shared Thomas. "Three months after Kendall, we began to foster another newborn with whom we are in the process of adopting."

"We felt relieved, grateful and blessed on the day of the adoption finalization," said Melton.

With two adoptions finalized, and one more to go, Kendra is loving her role as a big sister to two little ones. According to Thomas, Kendra says they are going to be partners in crime when they get older! Congratulations to this fabulous Miami family.

Congratulations to dads Jeff and Cade on their latest addition, Finnegan!

Jeff and Cade became dads through adoption to their eldest son, Riley. And just last month, they grew their family again via adoption. Welcome baby Finnegan!

"We feel so delighted now that we are a family of four," shared Jeff. "Our oldest is loving the big brother role (so far!)"

"The adoption process this time around was certainly another journey," added Cade, "but also another story for us to tell our sons as they get older."

Congratulations to this San Francisco family!

Congrats to Jay and Zack on their recent adoption!

Jay and Zack took their first adoption class in July 2017, and at the end of March 2018, they joined the waiting families list. In July, they heard about baby boy who was going to be placed for adoption.

"We heard about Landon on July 27th, he was a 3 weeks old by this point," said Jay. "We had to wait a grueling 11 days to know if we had been chosen. We were picked the morning of August 6th and took him home the next afternoon."

The Chicago dads now feel complete. "We were wrapping our minds around the fact that it was going to take much longer on the waiting families list," said Zack. "But when we started to hear his story and were going through the process to be chosen, we just wanted Landon to go to the right family for him to be loved."

"It's been so overwhelming since it happened so quickly for us but we wouldn't have it any other way," said Jay.

Congratulations to dads Travis and Garrett on beginning their foster journey!

Travis and Garrett began the process of becoming foster dads in September 2017; they were officially licensed June 22, 2018. Ten days later, they got the call that would change their lives.

"First we had each other, then we had our fur babies, then we had you," shared Garrett. "Now we have everything."

These Salt Lake City foster dads are clearly very much in love, and we can't wait to follow this family journey.

Congratulations to dads Mehl and Eddie for finalizing the adoption of their son, Sebastian!

It took dads Eddie and Mehl seven months finalize the adoption of their son Sebastian, but on Tuesday August 28th, it was official.

"One of the happiest days in our lives!" shared Eddie via his Instagram post. "It's a dream come true... forever ours!"

We're so happy for this Washington, D.C. forever family of four!

Congratulations to dads Damien and Tim on the birth of Aury!

In November 2017, Damien and Tim shared their plans to adopt, and on August 7, little Aury was born.

"The first time we held Aury—minutes after his birth and APGAR—was a surreal moment," shared new dads Damien. "Months of adoption work and getting ready at home didn't prepare us for the overwhelmingly joyful experience of holding the squirming little life we had yearned to welcome and love with big hearts. There were tears, quiet stares of wonder, and hundreds of snapped photos that combined to share one sentiment, 'Welcome home, our little lion man.'"

This forever family of three live near Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

Congratulations to new dads Stephan and Wyley on the birth of Rowan!

Stephan and Wyley didn't plan on becoming dads, Wyley's pregnancy was actually a surprise. A wonderful, life-changing surprise. Wyley is a FTM trans man and didn't think that he could get pregnant. But one day, he started getting sick in the morning, and later found out he was 11 weeks pregnant.

"Rowan is our little blessing from the universe," shared Stephan. "Nine months of getting our home ready - a short shuttle bus - ready for a baby, along with preparing our minds and bodies, prenatal yoga, birthing classes, books by vegan parents, traveling parents, minimalist parents and the few we could find on trans parenthood. We reached out to a community we barely knew and felt welcomed."

"Having Rowan feels like we have found the piece of us we hadn't known was missing," added Wyley. "A completion of our family."

The new family of three lives in San Antonio, Texas, and feel very blessed to be supported by their amazing families and an awesome new community of parents.

Congratulations to Matthias and Carlos on the birth of their son Benjamin!

Before they began their surrogacy journey, Matthias and Carlos were asked many times if they were sure they wanted to do this? "Yes, we were sure, and now we love every second of it!" shared Matthias. They became dads to baby Benjamin during summer this year and it's exactly what they hoped for.

The couple have been together since 2006, lived in Spain (where Carlos is from) and now reside in Cologne, Germany, as Matthias is German. They first considered adoption but it was too difficult in both of their home countries, so they turned to surrogacy in the US.

"Just recently, when Benjamin smiled back at us, the love towards him got even stronger, something that seemed impossible," shared Carlos. "I guess that is something every parent can confirm when their kid is smiling at them."

This family plans to keep in touch with the incredible women who helped them become dads. And they're hopeful that Benjamin won't be an only child for long.

Congratulations to Matt and Matt on the birth of their twin, Maci and Madison!

Congratulations to Matt and Matt who became first-time dads to twin girls via surrogacy on September 18.

"When the moment finally came and we got to hold our daughters, it was surreal how quickly our lives were changed and made better," shared Matt. "It was instant love like nothing we'd ever felt."

Wishing this new family of four many happy wishes! Thanks for sharing your exciting news with us!

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Foster/Foster-Adopt

This Gay Couple Was Inspired to Become Foster Dads Thanks to the Show "The Fosters"

Matthew and Brian say they used to feel like "unicorns" as gay foster dads. They're happy to see more LGBTQ couples take the plunge into the foster system.

Matthew Hamparian and his husband Brian Lawrence have been together for over 18 years and live in Columbus, Ohio. "We had talked about children for a long time," shared Matthew. They were inspired by the show "The Fosters," and watched it regularly as one of the staffers of the show was a friend of Brian's. In one of the episodes, Matthew remembers a conversation between a foster child and the biological child of his foster parents. The foster child asks if he was okay with the fact that he had to share his home with foster siblings. He responds that he is okay with it, because he and his family have enough of everything.

"It was very meaningful to us as we were both raised that when you got up the ladder, you threw the ladder back," explained Matthew.

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Surrogacy for Gay Men

Learn How These Dads Used Social Media to Find Their Surrogate

In the latest "Broadway Husbands" vlog, Bret and Stephen discuss the rather unconventional way in which they found their surrogate: through a Facebook group.

In this, the Broadway Husbands' sixth video, Bret Shuford and Stephen Hanna discuss the rather unprecedented process they went through to find their surrogate. The lucky couple also chat about winning an "Intended Parents" competition, which granted them the free services of a surrogacy agency who is now helping guide them (and their new surrogate!) on their journey.

In the first video below, get caught up to speed with the dads-to-be. Plus: there's bonus footage! Ever wondered about the financial side of their journey? In the second video, Bret and Stephen talk candidly about how they're managing to afford their dream of fatherhood.

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Change the World

Meet the Gay Dad Running For Common Council in South Bend, Indiana

Move over Mayor Pete Buttigieg! South Bend, Indiana may soon have another gay politico in the form of Alex Giorgio-Rubin, a dad of a 12-year-old adopted son.

You've probably heard of Pete Buttigieg, the young gay mayor running to be the Democratic nominee to challenge President Trump in 2020. But the town of South Bend, Indiana, may soon have another gay politico rising star in the form of Alex Giorgio-Rubin, a dad to a 12-year-old son.

Alex is running for a seat on South Bend's Common Council, in part, he says, to help make all families – including ones like his own – feel welcome.

As an out, married, gay dad, living in a Jewish household, raising a son who is on the Autism spectrum, Alex feels he can offer a unique perspective. "We come from the state that produced Mike Pence," said Alex. "We come from the state that made national headlines because of a bill that would allow businesses to discriminate based on sexual orientation; it's fair to say that the cards are stacked against my family, and many, many other families like mine."

Alex, who is currently a stay-at-home dad raising his adopted son, 12-year-old Joseph, is married to Joshua Giorgio-Rubin, a Senior English Lecturer at the Indiana University of South Bend. The two have been together for six years.

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Terrell and Jarius need your help. Earlier this week they were made aware of an act of discrimination against a male transgender student at Johnson High School in Gainesville, Georgia

"Dex Frier was elected by the student body to run for prom king but is now facing backlash from the school's administration," shared the dads via their Instagram. "The school's Superintendent is forcing Dex to either run as prom queen or not run at all. This is very unjust and does NOT reflect the opinion of the parents nor the students."

Watch their video below:

Dex, 17, who came out identifying as male in his sophomore year, spoke with Gainsville Times about being nominated by the student body. "Frier said he kept his emotions in check while at school, but 'the moment I got home, I immediately started crying. I've never been shown so much support before,' Frier added."

He was later informed by school officials that his name had been withdrawn and he could only run in the prom queen ballot.

Sadly, there have been rival petitions started in support of Dex's nomination being withdrawn, and he's received backlash from those who believe he shouldn't be able to run.

Although Terrell and Jarius do not know Dex personally, they were made aware of what was happening through Jarius co-worker who is a parent at the school. "He's such a brave kid and is standing firm in his beliefs, and we should support him," said Jarius.

These dads are asking all of us to take a minute and sign this petition and share with friends and family, or anyone you think could help.

Gay Dad Life

Gay Single Dads Defend Andy Cohen's Right to Be on Grindr

After the Internet rushed to judge Andy Cohen for signing onto Grindr a couple of weeks after welcoming his newborn son home, fellow single gay dads rushed to his defense.

Last week, we wrote a post about reports that "What What Happens Live" host Andy Cohen had been "spotted" on gay dating app Grindr several weeks after welcoming a newborn into his home. This has some of his followers on social media all worked up"

"Get off Grindr and start being a dad," said one follower who appeared to think single parents must take a vow of celibacy the minute they start changing diapers. "You're sad, that kid has no chance," said another.

Well, suffice it to say that this judgment from people who are presumably not single gay dads of Andy Cohen certainly struck a nerve with our gay dad audience! We received well over 100 comments on this post on Facebook, the vast majority of them coming to Cohen's defense. We caught up with two fellow single gay dads to find out why the story struck a nerve.

"We don't have to live like monks!"

One of the most liked comments on our piece came from Owen Lonzar, who wrote the following:

"I have always been a good single father to my biological son who came to live with me when he was 7 years old. He is now 25 years old and we are very close. I used Grindr and dated while he lived with me. I never had anyone sleep over and he certainly never saw some man he didn't know hanging around my home. Single parents have to date responsibly and with sensitivity to their child but that doesn't mean they have to live like monks!"

We asked Cohen to elaborate a bit more on why the backlash against Cohen bothered him. He had the sense, he said, that much of the criticism against LGBTQ parents comes from gay men without children. "Gay men without kids have a lot to say," he said. "And all of it is ignorant, because they have no idea what it means to actually be a father." He said he was particularly disappointed in gay critics, given our shared history of discrimination. "You would think with all the prejudice we have faced that gay men would be less judgmental themselves," he said.

"Are we supposed to be celibate?"

Another commenter, Josue Sebastian Dones-Figueroa, who is a divorced father of five, questioned what Cohen's critics would prefer him do. "So what, parents are supposed to become celibate because they have kids?" he asked.

We followed up with Josue to ask him to elaborate a bit more: "The idea that just because he is a dad that he would need to stop being a man," he said, questioning why Cohen should have to put his life hold and stop dating, or having sex, just because he's now a father. "If the child is cared for loved and not neglected what is the problem? Life goes on right?"


Gay Dad Life

Internet Conflicted About Advice Given to Closeted Gay Dad in the Guardian

Ok fellow gay dads: if you were the advice columnist at the Guardian, what would you have said?

Recently, in a post titled "I met my girlfriend's parents – and realized I once slept with her father," a man wrote into the advice column at the Guardian with the following predicament:

"Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I'm obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?"

Pamela Stephenson, the Guardian's columnist, responded as follows:

"I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself."

Not all commenters agreed with Stephenson's advice.

"Assuming your girlfriend knows that you were bi until falling in love with her and that you slept with everybody in your path [which she deserved to know up front anyway] then you can give HER the option what to do with this bond, rather than leaving the choice to her dad," said one commenter.

Another said, "Walking away without explaining why would be callous and also allow the father to escape the possible consequences of his actions."

It's worth noting that none of these commenters, nor the columnist, are or will ever be gay dads, whose perspective on this bizarre situation may be uniquely valuable. Many gay dads have become fathers while still in the closet. And even those who became dads after coming out can still sympathize with the detrimental impacts of the closet on our lives and those of our families.

So what say you, gay dads, about this man's predicament?

Gay Dad Family Stories

This Women's History Month, Gay Men Honor the Gals Who Help Make Them Dads

Each and every man becomes a dad with the help of a woman. We asked gay dads to honor one who helped them along in their path to parenthood to help us celebrate women's history month.

Each and every one of us became (or will become) a dad with the help of a woman--more often than not, with the help of multiple women. So this Women's History Month, we choose to celebrate these women by asking you to tell us a bit about them. Enjoy these inspiring stories below. Want to honor a woman in your life who has helped you become a dad? Tell us about her at dads@gayswithkids.com

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