Gay Dad Life

"Now We Have Everything": Congrats to Gay Dads Whose Families Recently Grew!

Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded in September a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!


Congratulations to Melton and Thomas on the adoption finalization of their daughter, Kendall!

In 2005, Thomas and Melton became first-time dads to their eldest daughter Kendra, but it took 10 years of legal wrangling to finalize her adoption. (Read their story here.) Now, they have three daughters, and recently finalized the adoption of Kendall on August 20th, their second eldest whom they've been fathers to since she was 2 days old.

"Kendall came into our lives on September 9, 2016, two days after her birth," shared Thomas. "Three months after Kendall, we began to foster another newborn with whom we are in the process of adopting."

"We felt relieved, grateful and blessed on the day of the adoption finalization," said Melton.

With two adoptions finalized, and one more to go, Kendra is loving her role as a big sister to two little ones. According to Thomas, Kendra says they are going to be partners in crime when they get older! Congratulations to this fabulous Miami family.

Congratulations to dads Jeff and Cade on their latest addition, Finnegan!

Jeff and Cade became dads through adoption to their eldest son, Riley. And just last month, they grew their family again via adoption. Welcome baby Finnegan!

"We feel so delighted now that we are a family of four," shared Jeff. "Our oldest is loving the big brother role (so far!)"

"The adoption process this time around was certainly another journey," added Cade, "but also another story for us to tell our sons as they get older."

Congratulations to this San Francisco family!

Congrats to Jay and Zack on their recent adoption!

Jay and Zack took their first adoption class in July 2017, and at the end of March 2018, they joined the waiting families list. In July, they heard about baby boy who was going to be placed for adoption.

"We heard about Landon on July 27th, he was a 3 weeks old by this point," said Jay. "We had to wait a grueling 11 days to know if we had been chosen. We were picked the morning of August 6th and took him home the next afternoon."

The Chicago dads now feel complete. "We were wrapping our minds around the fact that it was going to take much longer on the waiting families list," said Zack. "But when we started to hear his story and were going through the process to be chosen, we just wanted Landon to go to the right family for him to be loved."

"It's been so overwhelming since it happened so quickly for us but we wouldn't have it any other way," said Jay.

Congratulations to dads Travis and Garrett on beginning their foster journey!

Travis and Garrett began the process of becoming foster dads in September 2017; they were officially licensed June 22, 2018. Ten days later, they got the call that would change their lives.

"First we had each other, then we had our fur babies, then we had you," shared Garrett. "Now we have everything."

These Salt Lake City foster dads are clearly very much in love, and we can't wait to follow this family journey.

Congratulations to dads Mehl and Eddie for finalizing the adoption of their son, Sebastian!

It took dads Eddie and Mehl seven months finalize the adoption of their son Sebastian, but on Tuesday August 28th, it was official.

"One of the happiest days in our lives!" shared Eddie via his Instagram post. "It's a dream come true... forever ours!"

We're so happy for this Washington, D.C. forever family of four!

Congratulations to dads Damien and Tim on the birth of Aury!

In November 2017, Damien and Tim shared their plans to adopt, and on August 7, little Aury was born.

"The first time we held Aury—minutes after his birth and APGAR—was a surreal moment," shared new dads Damien. "Months of adoption work and getting ready at home didn't prepare us for the overwhelmingly joyful experience of holding the squirming little life we had yearned to welcome and love with big hearts. There were tears, quiet stares of wonder, and hundreds of snapped photos that combined to share one sentiment, 'Welcome home, our little lion man.'"

This forever family of three live near Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

Congratulations to new dads Stephan and Wyley on the birth of Rowan!

Stephan and Wyley didn't plan on becoming dads, Wyley's pregnancy was actually a surprise. A wonderful, life-changing surprise. Wyley is a FTM trans man and didn't think that he could get pregnant. But one day, he started getting sick in the morning, and later found out he was 11 weeks pregnant.

"Rowan is our little blessing from the universe," shared Stephan. "Nine months of getting our home ready - a short shuttle bus - ready for a baby, along with preparing our minds and bodies, prenatal yoga, birthing classes, books by vegan parents, traveling parents, minimalist parents and the few we could find on trans parenthood. We reached out to a community we barely knew and felt welcomed."

"Having Rowan feels like we have found the piece of us we hadn't known was missing," added Wyley. "A completion of our family."

The new family of three lives in San Antonio, Texas, and feel very blessed to be supported by their amazing families and an awesome new community of parents.

Congratulations to Matthias and Carlos on the birth of their son Benjamin!

Before they began their surrogacy journey, Matthias and Carlos were asked many times if they were sure they wanted to do this? "Yes, we were sure, and now we love every second of it!" shared Matthias. They became dads to baby Benjamin during summer this year and it's exactly what they hoped for.

The couple have been together since 2006, lived in Spain (where Carlos is from) and now reside in Cologne, Germany, as Matthias is German. They first considered adoption but it was too difficult in both of their home countries, so they turned to surrogacy in the US.

"Just recently, when Benjamin smiled back at us, the love towards him got even stronger, something that seemed impossible," shared Carlos. "I guess that is something every parent can confirm when their kid is smiling at them."

This family plans to keep in touch with the incredible women who helped them become dads. And they're hopeful that Benjamin won't be an only child for long.

Congratulations to Matt and Matt on the birth of their twin, Maci and Madison!

Congratulations to Matt and Matt who became first-time dads to twin girls via surrogacy on September 18.

"When the moment finally came and we got to hold our daughters, it was surreal how quickly our lives were changed and made better," shared Matt. "It was instant love like nothing we'd ever felt."

Wishing this new family of four many happy wishes! Thanks for sharing your exciting news with us!

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News

Indiana Court Says Couples Using Sperm Donors​ Can Both Be Listed on Birth Certificate — But Ruling Excludes Male Couples

The 7th US Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in favor of the plaintiffs in the case, a major victory for LGBTQ parents — but the Attorney General may appeal to the Supreme Court.

On Friday, a US Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a ruling from a lower court that said that both parents in a same-sex relationship are entitled to be listed on the birth certificate — previously, the state of Indiana had required the non-biological parent within a same-sex relationship using assisted reproductive technologies to adopt their child after the birth in order to get her or his name listed on the birth certificate, a lengthy and expensive process not required of straight couples in the same situation.

It's a double standard LGBTQ parents have long been subjected to in many states across the country. So this represent a major win. As reported by CNN, this ruling "takes a lot of weight off" the shoulders of LGBTQ parents, said Karen Celestino-Horseman, a lawyer representing one of the couples in the case. "They've been living as families and wondering if this was going to tear them apart."

The 7th US Circuit Court of Appeals deliberated the case, according to CNN, for more than two and a half years, which is one of the longest in the court's history.

However, because all the plaintiffs in the case involved female same-sex couples using sperm donors, the ruling left open the similar question of parenting rights with respect to male couples. Indiana's Attorney General, moreover, may also appeal the case to the Supreme Court.

We'll be following the case closely and be sure to keep you up to date. For more on this recent decision, read CNN's article here.

Gay Dad Family Stories

This European Couple Became Dads Through a U.K.-Based Surrogacy Program

Janno, from Estonia, and Matthias, from Belgium, were accepted into the "Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy" Program.

Janno Talu, an accountant, and Matthias Nijs, an art gallery director, were born in different parts of Europe. Janno, 39, is from Estonia, and Matthias, 28, is from Belgium. Their paths crossed when the two moved to London, each from their different corners of the European Union.

Janno relocated to London earlier than Matthias, when he was 24, and his main reason for the move was his sexuality. "Although Estonia is considered one of the more progressive countries in Eastern Europe, when it comes to gay rights, it is still decades behind Western society in terms of tolerance," said Janno. "And things are not moving in the right direction." In 2016, same-sex civil union became legal, but the junior party in the current coalition government is seeking to repeal the same-sex partnership bill. "In addition," Janno continued, "they wish to include the definition of marriage as a union between a man and a woman in the country's constitution. Even today, there are people in Estonia who liken homosexuality to pedophilia, which is why I decided to start a new life in the UK, where I could finally be myself."

Keep reading...
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

A Gay Dad Asks: Is Destroying an Embryo Similar to Abortion?

It's a question many LGBTQ parents using advanced fertility treatments will need to face — what to do with "left over" embryos.

Let me start off by saying that I have always been pro choice and support all laws that allow people to have full reproductive rights including safe and legal abortions. This is a complicated subject and not one that I ever thought I would really have to deal with on a personal level, especially being a gay man.

I remember a very heated discussion on abortion in my biology class back in university. I was young, idealistic and had very strong convictions about abortion. I was debating with a female classmate who was pro life. She felt there was no reason for an abortion ever, not even if raped by your own parent or sibling. I could not really understand her position, then or now. Don't get me wrong, I still don't agree with her, but now that I'm older and wiser, and also a parent, I have come to respect and accept opinions other than mine.

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Change the World

Miami Tourism Board Releases Vacation Guide for LGBTQ Families

Miami isn't just about circuit parties! The LGBTQ Family-Friendly Miami Vacation Guide showcases many options for queer parents, too.

As gay people, it can be difficult to find vacation spots that are LGBTQ-friendly out of the normal travel "fruit loop" — New York, Mykonos, San Francisco; repeat. For those of us with kids, the Venn diagram of destinations that are both queer and kid friendly can seem practically non-existent.

Fortunately, that's starting to change as the tourism industry realizes that LGBTQ families are a growing segment of vacationers. One city to quickly pick up on this trend is Miami. While the gays have long flocked to Miami for party weekends, the city has also recently noticed an uptick in the number of LGBTQ visitors who are parents. In response, Miami's tourism board release a guide, LGBTQ Family-Friendly Miami Vacation Guide, that includes loads of options for queer parents and their kids. Amid Miami's legendary circuit parties, it turns out, are tons of family friendly things to do — like the Museum of Science, an eco-adventure theme park, and other kid-focused events all year long.

Who knew?

"When I came onboard as Director of LGBTQ Marketing a little over a year ago, I found that our LGBTQ messaging was centered around our annual events," said Dan Rios, who works with the Greater Miami Convention and Visitors Bureau. Massive parties like the White Party and Aqua Girl are a central part of the city's LGBTQ offerings, he said, but he was also worried the city was "developing a reputation solely as a party destination. "I want to diversify that message to highlight everything else that Greater Miami has to offer."

Hence the city's family-friendly guide that includes offerings within "art and culture, dining, beaches, fitness," Dan said. "We have unique and amazing family attractions that we had been promoting to our general audiences for decades. I saw this as an opportunity; an opportunity to introduce our attractions to LGBTQ families, and an opportunity to further promote our attractions -- it was a win-win."

Dan said the Bureau is also in the midst of a campaign that will prominently feature LGBTQ parents within different travel destinations throughout the city, which will be featured throughout both LGBTQ and mainstream websites, publications and advertising.

We applaud the effort to reach out to LGBTQ families, and hope more cities follow Miami's lead! Be sure to check out the guide here.

Gay Dad Life

Gong Hei Fat Choy! Happy Chinese New Year!

As we usher in the year of rat, we asked some of our dads how they honor this special time.

Today we're celebrating, alongside our families, the Chinese New Year! As we usher in the year of rat, we asked some of our dads how they honor this special time, what they do to celebrate, and how they're instilling these traditions in their kids. Here are some of their responses.

Keep reading...
Personal Essays by Gay Dads

As a Gay Dad, What's the Impact of Letting My Son Perform Drag?

Michael Duncan was excited when his 10-year-old son asked if he could perform in drag for charity — but he also felt fear and anxiety.

As LGBT parents, we have all lived through some sort of trauma in our lives. For many it is the rejection of our family, being bullied, or abuse. We learn to be vigilant of our surroundings and often are very cautious of who we trust. As adults, we start to become watchful of how much we share and we look for "red flags" around every corner.

So, what effect does this have on our children? Does it unintentionally cause us to be more jaded with our interactions involving others? For some the answer may be a resounding "no." But as we look deeper into the situation, we often find that through survival our interactions with others have changed and we may not even realize exactly how much we are projecting on those around us.

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Diary of a Newly Out Gay Dad

A Gay Chiropractor Explains Why He Came Out to His Patients

After Cameron Call, a chiropractor, came out to his family this past year, he knew he had one more step to take — he had to come out to his patients

Fear is an interesting thing. It motivates when it shouldn't, shows at inconvenient times, and is the author of stories that do nothing but hold us back. I would argue though, too, that fear has some good qualities. I believe it helps us to feel. And I think it can be a great teacher as we learn to recognize and face it.

For years fear prevented me from embracing my truth and accepting a large part of who I am. I know I am not alone in that regard. But for so long my fear convinced me that I was. Fear is what kept me from ever telling my parents or anyone growing up that I am gay. Fear mingled with strong religious teachings, embraced at a young age, which led me to believe that I could cure myself of my attractions to the same gender. And fear is a part of what kept me in my marriage to a woman for over ten years.

Keep reading...

Fatherhood, the gay way

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