Calling for Mommy
“Mommy,” my daughter cries when she’s hurt or upset. “Mommy, mommy, mommy...” She knows I’m daddy and my partner is papa, so where is this mommy business coming from?
She’s three and has lived with us since she was nine and a half months old; I figure she doesn’t remember anything prior to her life with us. She has a good command of the English language, even using sophisticated adjectives and adverbs well, as my mother recently pointed out, so shouldn’t she be more aware of what she is saying?
My partner points out that she is mimicking the other children at the daycare who cry out for their mothers when they’re dropped off or after an accident, seeking comfort and reassurance. Is our daughter associating the need for comfort and reassurance with the word “mommy”?
I do. My mother was not a stereotypical mom, at least not in terms of cooking and cleaning; we learned to fend for ourselves in those respects. But she always encouraged my interests and provided reassurance when I needed it. She taught me the importance of curiosity, courtesy and caring. Dinner can be bought, but these other qualities cannot. If I can give my children what she gave me, I’ll be proud. Comfort and reassurance are not the monopoly of moms, so why does she seem to be calling out for one?
Language and terminology, as we know, is important, but my daughter is only three and probably does not understand the larger concepts and constructs behind everything she is saying. I probably load more meaning onto the word “mommy” than she does, so we don’t get into any big discussions about it. When she cries for mommy, we say “Daddy’s here” or “Papa’s here” and give her the comfort and reassurance she seeks.
An incident in the grocery store gave me pause. When I didn’t pick the bread she wanted, she first protested, then cried, and finally screamed “Mommy!” I was worried what other people might think, seeing a girl without her mommy being dragged out of the store by a man she was resisting. I thought – call me paranoid – it might look suspicious. And all because of a non-existent mommy and the wrong type of bread.
But the other day my daughter and I were walking our dog in our neighborhood and she stopped to smell some flowers in a woman's garden. The woman snipped off a bloom and said, "Take this home and give it to your mommy." My daughter didn’t hesitate when she said matter-of-factly, "I don't have a mommy. I have a daddy and a papa." It made me think that we are going to be just fine.
The Long Island Adoptive Families support group was created by parents going through the adoption process or who had already adopted. It was a great way to help members navigate the path of adoption whether it be private domestic, international agency, domestic agency or foster care. We spoke with Chemene, one of the founders, and found out how this group is supporting local gay men interested in becoming fathers.
Adam Lozon and Scott Dufour met online and have been together 11 years.They live in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, with their son Paulo. The couple are both in banking and are engaged to be married. We caught up with the dads to see how fatherhood was treating them!
Guest post from Greg Hutch.
It's two weeks before school starts and I am sitting in my classroom updating the photos in the frames on my desk. These frames used to be filled with pictures of my dogs, of me playing my instrument (I am a music teacher), or of the various other things that I have enjoyed in my lifetime. Today, they are filled with loving pictures of my family, including my son and partner who I raise him with. Times sure have changed…thanks to our son, Clark.
Editor's Note: In this ongoing series, we're shining the spotlight on some of the gay dads behind Gays With Kids as their incredible passion and commitment plays an invaluable role in making Gays With Kids possible. Please contact Brian Rosenberg if you'd like to talk about getting involved, too.
Happy gay uncles day to all the wonderful "guncles" out there! Here at Gays With Kids we know how important your roles are within our families so we want to celebrate you today, and say a big thanks! Enjoy this collection of "guncle" photos and a few words of wisdom and contemplations from the uncles themselves.
Two years ago when Oliver arrived into our lives, my partner Rob and I were living in separate countries. We met in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and had Oliver when Rob was working in Bangkok and I was in KL. Oliver arrived two weeks early when we received an unexpected message from our agent saying to go to the hospital – our surrogate had been checked into hospital.
The day began like any other. My alarm went off at 4.30am. I snoozed until 5am. I ate breakfast until 5.30am, at which point my son, Felix, woke naturally like clockwork. I fed him mashed bananas, cashew butter and chia seeds. I woke my dad up with a cup of tea and handed the baton over for him to look after Felix as I left for work on my bike at 6.30am. I worked through the day as normal. Then, at 6.49pm I received a call from the police.