Gay Dad Family Stories

A Gay Dad's Long Journey to Find Happiness

After being abandoned as a child, a gay man becomes a dad, finds love, and is welcomed back by his family

When Juan came out at the age of 15, his family responded in a horrible way: They disowned him and kicked him out of his home. He became homeless for a while, until a family in his neighborhood took him in. They were a family of eight - mom, dad and six kids - before Juan moved in, but they became his family and took care of him. As soon as he finished high school, Juan moved from Texas to Alaska, hoping to start his life anew.


Juan and his daughter

For Juan, the painful experience of being disowned and abandoned made something very clear: If he wanted a family, he would have to create his own. He set his sights on fatherhood. He realized soon that two common paths to gay fatherhood, adoption and surrogacy, were out his reach; they were too expensive. In Alaska, he became close friends with a woman. He told her he was gay and that parenthood was his dream; she wanted to help him fulfill his dreams. And so the two decided to create a baby for him. She would only help out with parenting every now and then. On July 3, 2010, Juan became a dad to a baby girl.

Juan and his daughter

Soon it became apparent that the birth mom had to play a much larger role in Juan's daughter's life than both she and Juan had foreseen. Whenever Juan was traveling for work, the baby needed a reliable caregiver. Moreover, fatherhood was a considerable financial burden to Juan; fortunately Juan's adopted family helped out a lot. Juan and the birth mom also struggled with the legal aspect of both being parents to their daughter. Despite their original plans, their division of parenting responsibilities had become something resembling co-parenting. In hindsight, Juan wished he had done more research and had been more prepared for the job. But by the time his daughter turned 9 months old, Juan, in effect, became the sole parent. Today, after many years of legal wrangling, Juan has been officially recognized as the sole parent.

Juan eventually moved back to Texas when his uncle told him his mother had cancer. "I decided that after two years of not speaking, it was enough, and so I moved back home to be with her," said Juan. Once he was back in Texas, the two worked on healing their fractured relationship. Juan joined the military when he returned to Texas, and his mother helped watched his daughter when he was away on service.

Tommy, Juan's daughter and Juan

Three years ago, when Juan was ordering from a taco truck, he met Tommy Espinoza. He and Tommy, a 36-year-old Shisedo account executive, hit it off immediately. The two fell in love and on a trip to Belize in 2017, Tommy asked Juan to marry him. The wedding is planned for November this year.

At first, it was difficult for Juan's daughter to welcome Tommy into her family. She was used to just her dad, and having a new parent required a big adjustment. But Tommy and Juan worked hard to tie their family together. Eventually the three settled into a groove, and now they are as close as can be. She is excited to be a flower girl at her dads' wedding in November.

Tommy, Juan and Juan's daughter

With serious plans to expand their family (one of the couple friends has agreed to be an egg donor!) and with a wedding around the corner, 2018 and beyond is looking very exciting for this family. The men are currently saving for surrogacy.

Although fatherhood has certainly come with hurdles and challenges, Juan, now a youth case worker, feels blessed to be the proud dad to his now 8-year-old girl. "My life is full of joy now and she's makes me work harder and really appreciate the smaller things in life," shared Juan.

The three-person family

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Gay Dad Family Stories

Boston Will Always Have a Special Place in the Hearts of These Gay Dads

Matt and Rej met in Boston and got engaged in Fenway Park. The latest chapter of their fairytale Beantown romance? Fatherhood.

Husbands Matt Ottaviani and Rej Gareau met in Boston in 2013 via OKCupid. A couple years later, the two returned to get engaged in Fenway Park. And in the latest chapter in their fairytale Beantown romance, it's also where they would begin the process of becoming dads with the help of Circle Surrogacy.


Matt and Rej dated for a short time while they were both living in Boston. Once Rej's studying was complete, he returned to Canada (where he is from) and they continued their relationship long distance. In a little under a year, Matt followed his heart to Ottawa. Together they braved the cold, bought a house, and got married in October 2015, following a proposal at Fenway Park orchestrated by Rej, and including friends and family. Their loved ones watched as Rej got down on one knee on the baseball field, and asked Matt to marry him.

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Gay Dad Family Stories

One Gay Dad's Path Towards Realizing Being Gay and Christian are Not Mutually Exclusive

Gay dads Matt and David Clark-Sally talk about coming out, parenting as gay men, and reconciling faith and sexuality.

Coming out in your 30s is difficult. But coming out while blending a family, parenting two kids, and reconciling faith and sexuality? Some may call that crazy.

For gay dads Matt and David Clark-Sally, that's just what they did. And they couldn't be happier!

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Gay Dad Family Stories

Signing With Two Adoption Agencies to "Double Their Chances," These Dads Won Big with Both

Days after welcoming their first son into their home, Ryan and Brandon received "the call" from a second adoption agency.

Ryan and Brandon Bolton met in a bar in Chicago in early 2012. Brandon, a professional hair and make-up artist, was touring with a show and happened to go to the same bar that Ryan used to frequent. They eloped in August 2012 and were married in New York.

In June 2013, they moved to Florida, where they began researching their fatherhood journey. "We were going to attempt surrogacy, but the costs were too high," said Ryan. "Adoption was something that was feasible." The husbands decided they needed to get a few puzzle pieces in place before signing, and Brandon was touring on various shows while they saved. They eventually moved forward, signing with their first agency, Adoption Center US, in January 2015.

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Change the World

Judge's Decision in NY 'Compassionate Surrogacy' Case Involving Gay Dad Overturned

Though compensated surrogacy remains illegal in New York State, "compassionate surrogacy" arrangements are remain legal

Last week, an unanimous four-judge panel, part of the New York Appellate Division in Brooklyn, New York, revived a gay dad's petition to adopt his son born via surrogacy. The dad, identified as "Joseph P." in court documents, had earlier been denied his petition to adopt by a Queens County Family Court Judge, John M. Hunt. The Queens judge denied the petition because compensated surrogacy contracts are illegal in New York. However, the child born to Joseph was born via "compassionate surrogacy," meaning his gestational surrogate was not compensated.

The Appellate court's decision, written by Justice Alan D. Scheinkmanm called Hunt's decision "clearly erroneous," and held that a new Family Court judge should re-hear the case.

Judge Hunt's decision is all the more confusing since Joseph had actually already become a father via surrogacy in New York—three times over. In each instance, he used donor eggs and a friend serving, voluntarily, as the gestational surrogate. He had his first child in 2012, and then twins the following year. In all three instances, a Family Court judge granted Joseph's adoption petition, given that each child was conceived via "compassionate surrogacy," meaning no money changes hands in the course of a surrogacy journey between carrier an intended parent. This type of surrogacy arrangement is not illegal under to New York law. The social worker in Joseph's latest attempt to adopt, Gay City News noted, also gave him a favorable review, calling him "a mature, stable, and caring person who intentionally created a family of himself, the twins, and John."

Gay City News notes: "Justice Scheinkman provided a careful description of the laws governing surrogacy in New York. The Legislature provided that surrogacy contracts are unenforceable and treated as void. However, the only surrogacy contracts actually outlawed are those where the surrogate is compensated. It was clear to the Appellate Division that the Legislature did not mean to outlaw voluntary surrogacy arrangements, merely to make them unenforceable in the courts. Those who enter into a compensated surrogacy agreement face a small monetary fine and people who act as brokers to arrange such agreements are liable for a larger penalty. There is no penalty for voluntary, uncompensated surrogacy arrangements."

Read the full article here.

Entertainment

How Fatherhood Has Impacted Tom Daley's Diving Career for the Better

British diver Tom Daley, and new-ish gay dad, is looking to qualify for the 2020 Olympics in South Korea.

British diver Tom Daley is currently in the running to qualify for the Tokyo 2020 Olympics in South Korea, his fourth if he competes, at the young age of just 26.

But he also has another concern that most young gay men his age couldn't fathom—fatherhood. He and his husband, filmmaker Dustin Lance Black, recently welcomed Robbie Ray via surrogacy in June 2018.

In an interview with the Independent, Daley explained how fatherhood has changed his routine and training, which he says is often for the better.

"It has changed my life completely in all of the best ways possible," Daley said. "It has changed my perspective, the way I think about things. [My son] is the most important thing in my life, everything I do is for him, everything I think about he is at the forefront of everything."

With respect to his diving career, Daley continued, "if you have a bad day at training, or a good day, you are grounded immediately when you get home through the door because you are having cuddles or you are having to change a dirty nappy. It is the first time that I have been able to leave diving at the diving board and not think about what I need to the next day in the pool."

Whatever the challenges he faces while training, he said, "I can leave it there because you don't have time to think about diving when you are looking after a kid under one."

The strategy seems to be working in Daley's favor. He recently enjoyed his most successful FINA Diving World Series ever this past Spring in Canada, winning 12 medals across five events. And barring any major catastrophe, he is overwhelmingly expected to qualify for South Korea 2020.

And we can't wait to cheer the young dad on!

Change the World

One Gay Dad's Fight Against Hate in Superior, Nebraska

Brian Splater is refusing to let homophobic and transphobic elected officials in his town go unchecked

Millie B. Photography

Guest post written by Brian Splater

No one ever should feel they will have a very lonely and secluded life as a child. But that is something me and many other gay kids believe as they are growing up.

The truth of the matter is there are people who will try everything in their power to have our rights go back in time instead of forward. It is very disheartening when these people are elected officials, or they are people who use their place of employment to spread their disgust and hate.

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Politics

America's First Gay Dad Governor Heads Into the Lion's Den

Colorado Governor Jared Polis recently became the first elected Democrat to speak at the annual Western Conservative Summit in Denver

Last Friday, American's first gay dad Governor, Jared Polis, became the first elected Democrat to speak at the Western Conservative Summit in Denver, where he urged the Republican crowd to help him build a "Colorado for all."

"While we should never gloss over the things that divide us, there is a lot more that unites us," Polis said. "When we close ourselves off from discussion or debate, and we reject the possibility of hearing and understanding other perspectives, it threatens the fabric of our democracy."

If he was hoping for a Kumbaya moment, he didn't exactly get it. As he was called to the stage, he was greeted with a smattering of applause—while others booed and shouted for a "recall" of the Governor.

"It was almost unbearable for me to sit there to listen to his talk," Abby Johnson, one of the event's attendees, told the Denver Post. "And I'm going to tell you why. He kept talking about equality for all persons, yet we live in a society where 60 million innocent human beings have been slaughtered in the name of choice. Where is their justice? Where is their equal rights?"

Polis was also criticized from his left flank for attending the same event that refuses to let the Log Cabin Republicans, a group of gay GOP members, participate—and that featured Donald Trump Jr. as a speaker the same day. "To me it feels like vanity," Katie Farnan, a staffer with progressive group Indivisible, told the Denver Post. "He can go and be a hip Democratic governor who isn't afraid to go into GOP sanctuary. Or maybe it's recall insurance. But unless he was there to hold them accountable for their support for fascist and racist policies, what's the point?"

In response to the criticism from both sides of the political aisle, Polis told the Colorado Sun: "I think it's very important that Coloradans of different ideologies, different races, different geographies, different orientations and gender identities all really celebrate that we're all part of what makes Colorado great."

The event is hosted each year by Colorado Christian University to bring together conservatives from around the state, and the larger West.

What do you think, dads? Was Polis's decision to speak at the event a savvy political move or mere pandering?

Fatherhood, the gay way

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