Gay Dad Life

A Gay Dad-To-Be Writes To The Mother Of His Future Child

To The Mother of Our Future Child,


We are so excited to talk to you for the very first time. Your story is one that is so important to us, but it is also so important to that tiny baby inside of you. Where are you from? What’s your name? What do you like to do?

All right, we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. Sorry. We get excited, and then we talk too much. So maybe we should introduce ourselves first. We’re Anthony and Dominic, and we’re hoping to be dads soon, hopefully with your help. We’ve put together a whole book for you to look at, talking about our lives, who we are as men and as a couple, and why we think we would be the most amazing fathers to this child.

Let’s make this clear, though. While we will be the fathers to this baby, you will always be the mom. And that’s important to us. Our child will want to know where he or she came from, and while we’ll create a beautifully creative and imaginative “How You Came To Us” story full of storks and cabbage patches and dreams and wishes, your story is one that our child will someday want to know. So, if you should decide to select us to be the parents to raise your baby, we’d like to make some promises to you.

We promise that we will always love this baby, unconditionally, every minute of every day of every year.

We promise that we will probably buy a few too many toys for this baby, toys that are fun and cute, but also toys that help teach and challenge, because learning is important.

We promise that we will read to this baby. We will teach this baby to dream and create and conquer, one story at a time, because imagination is important.

We promise that we will buy this baby a tiny hockey jersey, with our names on the back, so that when he or she comes to Anthony’s hockey games, the fans there will know that our child has a goalie for a dad, and that’s pretty darn cool.

We promise that when this baby grows into a toddler, we will work hard to be sure that there are vegetables on his or her plate, even though Anthony might not want to eat them himself.

We promise that we will teach this toddler how to ride a bike, and we will get him or her the coolest bike on the block. We can’t promise you that we’ll be comfortable when the training wheels come off, but we imagine there’s room to grow on this one.

We promise that we will take this toddler to Disney World, to feel wrapped up in the happiest place on Earth, with two dads who are hoping to show this baby the most fantastic and magical world possible, because our family will be living proof that, with a little luck, the dreams that you wish do come true.

We promise that when this toddler turns into a teenager, we will allow him or her to play whatever sports or participate in any extracurricular activities that he or she might want, with no pressure from us. Because once upon a time, that teenager’s mom made a decision that supported our dreams; we will always return that favor.

We promise you that this teenager will be uncomfortable with the extended amount of prom pictures that he or she will be asked to pose for, on the front lawn, just like we did as kids. Because as wonderful and beautiful as life is, sometimes it’s also about standing in a rented tuxedo while Grandma gets her picture just right.

Anthony and his husband Dominic

We promise you that when this teenager becomes an adult and meets someone to love, and to marry, that we will cry at the wedding. That’s a guarantee.

We promise that we will keep you as updated on as much of these events as you would like. Whether that means e-mails, or phone calls, we want you to be part of the conversation about how much information you’d like to receive. If it’s nothing, that’s okay. And if it’s something more than nothing, well, that’s okay too.

But most importantly, we promise that this baby will know about the sacrifice you are making, to allow us to become fathers. Because we cannot do this without you, your story is one that we will tell with pride and reverence to our child. You are not a forgotten part of this child’s life, you are an integral part of it, and that means the world to us.

Adoption is about family, about love, and about making dreams come true. For us, absolutely. For a baby who will become a toddler, and the toddler who will become a teenager, and the teenager who will become an adult, for sure. We are in this thing together, you and us. We’re here for you.

So, like we said, we tend to get chatty when we get excited. I’m sure there’s more to say, and we can say it another time. Because we are hoping to hear from you again, maybe with questions, maybe with answers. Maybe with promises of your own.

But you’ve got partners in this now, men who will be here for and with you. And that’s a promise that means more to us than anything in the world.

Here’s to making dreams come true, you and us, and that baby who will always be ours.

With all the love in our hearts,

Anthony & Dominic

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Change the World

Meet the Gay Dad Running For Common Council in South Bend, Indiana

Move over Mayor Pete Buttigieg! South Bend, Indiana may soon have another gay politico in the form of Alex Giorgio-Rubin, a dad of a 12-year-old adopted son.

You've probably heard of Pete Buttigieg, the young gay mayor running to be the Democratic nominee to challenge President Trump in 2020. But the town of South Bend, Indiana, may soon have another gay politico rising star in the form of Alex Giorgio-Rubin, a dad to a 12-year-old son.

Alex is running for a seat on South Bend's Common Council, in part, he says, to help make all families – including ones like his own – feel welcome.

As an out, married, gay dad, living in a Jewish household, raising a son who is on the Autism spectrum, Alex feels he can offer a unique perspective. "We come from the state that produced Mike Pence," said Alex. "We come from the state that made national headlines because of a bill that would allow businesses to discriminate based on sexual orientation; it's fair to say that the cards are stacked against my family, and many, many other families like mine."

Alex, who is currently a stay-at-home dad raising his adopted son, 12-year-old Joseph, is married to Joshua Giorgio-Rubin, a Senior English Lecturer at the Indiana University of South Bend. The two have been together for six years.

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Gay Dad Family Stories

These Two British 'Poofs' Blog About Their Journey to Fatherhood Via Adoption

In their blog "Two Poofs and a Pudding," Tim and Darran write about their adoption journey as same-sex parents in the U.K.

Tim and Darran met online in December 2015. They met for a drink on December 18, and by New Year's Eve they were "official." When the subject of becoming dads came up, they were both excited but at a loss as to where to start. In 2017, after deciding adoption was the right path for them, they began their journey and in the process, started a website to chronicle their experience and to help others who were considering same-sex adoption in the UK: Two Poofs and a Pudding. Fast forward 18 months, their "Pudding" is at home with his dads. Here's their experience with the UK adoption journey, so far.

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Gay Dad Life

New Dad Andy Cohen Uses Today Show Appearance to Talk About Complications Facing Gay Men on Path to Parenthood

New dad Andy Cohen talked about the challenges facing many gay men when trying to decide between adoption and surrogacy

Bravo's Andy Cohen, who recently became a new dad via surrogacy, has wasted no time drawing attention to many of the complicated choices facing gay men on their paths to parenthood. During a recent appearance on the Today Show, hosts Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb asked him how he made made the decision between adoption and surrogacy.

Cohen noted, first, that he was lucky to have the means to do surrogacy, which costs an average of $120,000. But he also noted there would have been complications on his path, no matter which route he had chosen. Surrogacy, he noted, is not legal in all 50 states. "It's incredible to me, as I've now learned, that surrogacy isn't legal in all 50 states," he said. "It's illegal in New York and New Jersey, which is why I went to California."

Cohen then also drew attention to the difficulty many LGBTQ people face trying to adopt. Though he stated it was "illegal to adopt" for gay people in certain places, this is technically not true. (The Supreme Court's marriage equality ruling in 2015 paved the way for LGBTQ people to adopt, legally, in all 50 states, but some states have since passed laws that make it legal for state-licensed welfare agencies to discriminate against LGBQT people on the basis of religion).

Still, we applaud Cohen, who also recently opened up to People Magazine about his journey to fatherhood, for using his platform to speak out about challenges facing gay men who want to become dads.

Watch the whole segment here.

Gay Dad Life

Internet Conflicted About Advice Given to Closeted Gay Dad in the Guardian

Ok fellow gay dads: if you were the advice columnist at the Guardian, what would you have said?

Recently, in a post titled "I met my girlfriend's parents – and realized I once slept with her father," a man wrote into the advice column at the Guardian with the following predicament:

"Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I'm obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?"

Pamela Stephenson, the Guardian's columnist, responded as follows:

"I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself."

Not all commenters agreed with Stephenson's advice.

"Assuming your girlfriend knows that you were bi until falling in love with her and that you slept with everybody in your path [which she deserved to know up front anyway] then you can give HER the option what to do with this bond, rather than leaving the choice to her dad," said one commenter.

Another said, "Walking away without explaining why would be callous and also allow the father to escape the possible consequences of his actions."

It's worth noting that none of these commenters, nor the columnist, are or will ever be gay dads, whose perspective on this bizarre situation may be uniquely valuable. Many gay dads have become fathers while still in the closet. And even those who became dads after coming out can still sympathize with the detrimental impacts of the closet on our lives and those of our families.

So what say you, gay dads, about this man's predicament?

Gay Dad Family Stories

This Women's History Month, Gay Men Honor the Gals Who Help Make Them Dads

Each and every man becomes a dad with the help of a woman. We asked gay dads to honor one who helped them along in their path to parenthood to help us celebrate women's history month.

Each and every one of us became (or will become) a dad with the help of a woman--more often than not, with the help of multiple women. So this Women's History Month, we choose to celebrate these women by asking you to tell us a bit about them. Enjoy these inspiring stories below. Want to honor a woman in your life who has helped you become a dad? Tell us about her at dads@gayswithkids.com

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Gay Dad Life

These Gay Dads Know How to Make Holidays Extra Super Special

Adam and Josh got engaged on Good Morning America on Valentines Day, and welcomed their Christmas miracle baby into their lives on December 26th

Picture this: Valentine's Day 2015, Adam and Josh Klocke were among 24 other couples ice skating in Bryant Park as part of a Good Morning America segment. Lara Spencer was hosting while Christina Perri sang "A Thousand Years" on top of a piano. Midway through, she stopped and Lara reported technical difficulties. This was the cue that the knowing members of each couple had been waiting for. They each dropped to one knee and asked for their partner's hand in marriage. Adam recalls, "It was such an amazing experience that we will never forget." 18 months later, they were married.

While their engagement was a life-changing experience, another for the husbands was welcoming their Christmas miracle, Baby K, via adoption on December 26, 2018. She was just two days old. Here's their story.

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Gay Dad Life

Gay Dad Settles Discrimination Suit Against LA-Based School

A single gay dad claims an LA-based school did not adequately protect his two daughters who were reportedly bullied on account of his sexual orientation.

According to MyNewsLA, a single gay dad settled his suit against an LA-based school, Pressman Academy of Temple Beth Am. The man, who is unidentified, alleged that his two daughters were discriminated against in the school on account of his sexual orientation.

Identified only as "John Doe" in the complaint, the single gay dad reportedly grew up in Israel and chose Pressman Academy for his daughters "because it is supposed to be the best school that would instill those same values in his children." The school apparently took issue, however, with John Doe's sexuality.

According to the suit, teachers and other staff members at the school repeatedly asked the sisters to bring a "woman figure" to the school's Mother's Day celebration, for instance. School staff also did not intervene to prevent bullying of the daughters, one of whom was reportedly called an "orphan" because she lacked a mother, and teased to the point of telling a school therapist that she was contemplating suicide.

The terms of the settlement were not made public but the girls, thankfully, now attend another school.

Fatherhood, the gay way

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