Gay Dad Life

A Gay Dad-To-Be Writes To The Mother Of His Future Child

To The Mother of Our Future Child,


We are so excited to talk to you for the very first time. Your story is one that is so important to us, but it is also so important to that tiny baby inside of you. Where are you from? What’s your name? What do you like to do?

All right, we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. Sorry. We get excited, and then we talk too much. So maybe we should introduce ourselves first. We’re Anthony and Dominic, and we’re hoping to be dads soon, hopefully with your help. We’ve put together a whole book for you to look at, talking about our lives, who we are as men and as a couple, and why we think we would be the most amazing fathers to this child.

Let’s make this clear, though. While we will be the fathers to this baby, you will always be the mom. And that’s important to us. Our child will want to know where he or she came from, and while we’ll create a beautifully creative and imaginative “How You Came To Us” story full of storks and cabbage patches and dreams and wishes, your story is one that our child will someday want to know. So, if you should decide to select us to be the parents to raise your baby, we’d like to make some promises to you.

We promise that we will always love this baby, unconditionally, every minute of every day of every year.

We promise that we will probably buy a few too many toys for this baby, toys that are fun and cute, but also toys that help teach and challenge, because learning is important.

We promise that we will read to this baby. We will teach this baby to dream and create and conquer, one story at a time, because imagination is important.

We promise that we will buy this baby a tiny hockey jersey, with our names on the back, so that when he or she comes to Anthony’s hockey games, the fans there will know that our child has a goalie for a dad, and that’s pretty darn cool.

We promise that when this baby grows into a toddler, we will work hard to be sure that there are vegetables on his or her plate, even though Anthony might not want to eat them himself.

We promise that we will teach this toddler how to ride a bike, and we will get him or her the coolest bike on the block. We can’t promise you that we’ll be comfortable when the training wheels come off, but we imagine there’s room to grow on this one.

We promise that we will take this toddler to Disney World, to feel wrapped up in the happiest place on Earth, with two dads who are hoping to show this baby the most fantastic and magical world possible, because our family will be living proof that, with a little luck, the dreams that you wish do come true.

We promise that when this toddler turns into a teenager, we will allow him or her to play whatever sports or participate in any extracurricular activities that he or she might want, with no pressure from us. Because once upon a time, that teenager’s mom made a decision that supported our dreams; we will always return that favor.

We promise you that this teenager will be uncomfortable with the extended amount of prom pictures that he or she will be asked to pose for, on the front lawn, just like we did as kids. Because as wonderful and beautiful as life is, sometimes it’s also about standing in a rented tuxedo while Grandma gets her picture just right.

Anthony and his husband Dominic

We promise you that when this teenager becomes an adult and meets someone to love, and to marry, that we will cry at the wedding. That’s a guarantee.

We promise that we will keep you as updated on as much of these events as you would like. Whether that means e-mails, or phone calls, we want you to be part of the conversation about how much information you’d like to receive. If it’s nothing, that’s okay. And if it’s something more than nothing, well, that’s okay too.

But most importantly, we promise that this baby will know about the sacrifice you are making, to allow us to become fathers. Because we cannot do this without you, your story is one that we will tell with pride and reverence to our child. You are not a forgotten part of this child’s life, you are an integral part of it, and that means the world to us.

Adoption is about family, about love, and about making dreams come true. For us, absolutely. For a baby who will become a toddler, and the toddler who will become a teenager, and the teenager who will become an adult, for sure. We are in this thing together, you and us. We’re here for you.

So, like we said, we tend to get chatty when we get excited. I’m sure there’s more to say, and we can say it another time. Because we are hoping to hear from you again, maybe with questions, maybe with answers. Maybe with promises of your own.

But you’ve got partners in this now, men who will be here for and with you. And that’s a promise that means more to us than anything in the world.

Here’s to making dreams come true, you and us, and that baby who will always be ours.

With all the love in our hearts,

Anthony & Dominic

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Gay Dad Life

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For more, read the full article on Slate.

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If enacted, the bill would have enforced "state law that marriage is between one man and one woman" and restrict "adoption of children by spouses in a marriage ... that consist of one man and one woman."

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Fatherhood, the gay way

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