Gay Dad Life

A Game Show Winner on his Biggest Jackpot Yet: A Son

When Michael Bellavia first started looking into becoming a father he, like many gay men, was discouraged by the steep price tag. Unlike most gay men, however, his path to fatherhood was paved in gold. Twice. Michael's story is one of unbelievable good fortune that ultimately led Michael to the biggest jackpot of his life---a son.


As it is for most parents-to-be, timing for Michael, a New York native turned Los Angeles transplant, was important. “I had wanted to be a dad all along," Michael said. “Family had [always] been important; everything from carrying on the family name, to legacy, to the feeling that life wouldn't be complete without [experiencing] that part … But other things took priority along the way."

Those other priorities consisted of a production company he co-owned and ran, and an agency called HelpGood that, according to its website, “works with nonprofits, NGOs, government agencies and corporate social responsibility teams to develop cause marketing, communication and fundraising strategies that inspire action."

Then in his 30s, Michael viewed his businesses as his babies, and everyone who worked for him as his kids. But it didn't leave much time for the real deal.

He was also in a long-term relationship with a man who didn't want children but who was very supportive of Michael's own dream to have a family. Both thought they'd eventually come around to the other's way of thinking. That didn't happen.

When Michael reached 40, he realized that fatherhood wasn't going to happen magically. He needed to do something. Initially he looked into surrogacy but the associated costs quickly put that option out of reach. So Michael decided adoption was the next-best route for him and he became certified by the county of L.A. to adopt. His partner was supportive and became licensed as well, not with the intention of becoming an active parent, but to be supportive of Michael's journey.

Yet Michael's adoption process stretched on. Eventually, he began to research other ways to put surrogacy within financial reach: He looked overseas.

First he considered India, but that was quickly taken off the table as the laws changed right as Michael began his research. Then it was Thailand, but after reading about several problematic surrogacy events there, he decided not to pursue it. Finally, there was Mexico. But just as he was about to put down a sizable deposit with an agency, The New York Times ran an article on the agency's shady business practices. The agency quickly imploded, and Michael was back to square one.

That was it, Michael thought. He decided to keep pursuing adoption. Also, his business had not been as profitable as it had been in the past, and as a result surrogacy seemed increasingly out of reach.

In 2013 Michael's luck began to change. While cleaning out his grandparents' attic in New York, his cousins stumbled upon a garbage bag full of stock certificates. Their fresh-off-the-boat immigrant grandparents, who passed away 15 years prior, had been buying stock certificates on the side with their hard-earned pay. All turned out to be worthless, except one, which turned out to be worth several hundred thousand dollars. That money was split between family members, and Michael was one of the beneficiaries.

This bit of money put surrogacy back on the table, but it still wasn't enough...

Michael began to consider other ways to help raise the money. He had always been a fan of game shows and even had a history of competing on them. So when an opportunity to be on a new FOX network show called “Boom!" arose, he and two of his friends applied and were accepted.

Michael on "Boom!"

The show was taped in August 2014. It was a multiple-choice general knowledge quiz show and the prize money was up to $500,000. Every time a contestant answered a question, he or she had to snip a wire of the bomb; if the answer was wrong, the bomb would explode spraying ketchup, chocolate sauce or some other sticky substance. One of his teammates answered a question incorrectly and was covered in goo, but they still make it to the final round.

And from there, they won $300,000, split three ways. Suddenly, Michael's dream of fatherhood was in reach.

Dominik at 4 months old; Michael at 552 months old (= 46 years)

Still, he hadn't settled on an egg donor. He decided to ask a close friend, Jessie, if she'd be willing to donate. She agreed, but originally with one condition: she would be his donor, but nothing more. As they began the egg retrieval process, however, Jessie changed her mind and asked if she could play a larger role in the baby's life. Michael, having already offered a closer relationship, didn't hesitate to accept the new terms.

2015 was a blur of non-stop activity and life events for Michael. They went through three surrogates before finding the right one. Jessie met Erika, the woman of her dreams, and got married. Michael and his partner reached a crossroads and after 15 years together, they amicably split. But most importantly: Michael became a dad when his son, Dominik, was born on July 7 of that year. There were four of them in the birthing room along with the surrogate: Michael, Jessie, Erika and Michael's ex who remained supportive (and still is) throughout the entire journey.

Dominik is now almost 22 months old. Michael, Jessie and Erika co-parent him together and, after a few initial figuring-out moments, all is going well. Michael emphasizes that communication is key and could not be happier with his family's dynamic.

Michael has also been dipping his toes back into the dating pool, and has been actively seeing someone for the past 21 months. They met just two weeks after Dominik was born (via Michael's hilarious Instagram feed) and they're still having fun together.

Michael was initially surprised by people's responses to him as a single gay dad. “Frankly, I felt like I got more interest," he said. “ I don't know if they saw a responsible dude or if they saw a "daddy" who is now a Daddy."

Michael has zero regrets about his path to parenthood, except perhaps maybe one. “I do sometimes get these pangs of 'I wish I'd done this earlier so that I would be around for more of his life,' " shared Michael. “I don't think I'm going to be grandpa, and that isn't scary but it is disappointing."

But there were moments when Michael thought he'd never become a dad so realizing that dream has made him happier than he ever thought possible.

As it was for Michael, becoming a parent via surrogacy can be out of reach for many would-be gay dads. But he does have some advice for those that want to try:

  1. “Do you need that $4 crappuccino? No! Take that money and put it in the baby basket."
  2. Talk to a financial consultant.
  3. Consider alternative families such as co-parenting with a lesbian couple.
  4. Make sure to check every garbage bag when cleaning out a deceased relative's attic.
  5. Check your state's unclaimed funds office - every state has one and your family might have money there too.
  6. And if you live in the New York or Los Angeles area, check out Craigslist for game show auditions, because you just never know...


Check out more family profiles here:

After a Harrowing Delivery, Barry's Bootcamp CEO Welcomes Home a Baby Boy

Afraid of Adopting from Foster Care? These Dads Say Don't Be

A Dad Finds Hope After a Failed Adoption

Show Comments ()
Gay Dad Life

How Canada's 'Gay Dollar' Helped This Gay Man Reflect on His Biggest Regret—Not Having Kids

Canada unveiled a 'gay dollar' coin earlier this year, helping Gregory Walters reflect on the progress the LGBTQ community has made—and his decision to forgo having children children

Earlier this year, Canada unveiled a rainbow-stripped coin dollar to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the country's decision to decriminalize homosexuality. With the coins now firmly in circulation, Gregory Walters, who lives in Vancouver, wrote a moving essay for the Globe and Mail, expressing joy for how far Canada has come on the issue of gay rights, but how the coin is also a symbolic representation of the "greatest regret" of his life—his decision not to adopt children.

Gregory writes that he had hoped to adopt a child ever since his early career working with persons with developmental disabilities. "Several children I worked with were wards of the State of Texas," he wrote. "Their parents having relinquished all rights either owing to egregious acts of abuse or a lack of desire to raise someone with so many needs. There were days when I felt, 'If I could just take you home and raise you.' I knew there was a need for adopting persons with special needs but my own internalized homophobia got in the way yet again. Despite what is probably my own gift in working with children, I never felt worthy enough to be a parent. I always felt that if I were a gay dad it would create more of a liability for the child."

Gregory decision to forgo having children, he says, is his "greatest regret." While he takes responsibility for some of this decision, he also adds: "society's view of homosexuals and its opinions regarding gay adoptions also played a major part."

To critics of Canada's coin, some of who have said its a cheap political pander to the LGBTQ community, Gregory concludes with this thought:

"I don't care if the indulged majority who never had to question marriage or raising children or being secure in a job may feel the coin is frivolous. The coin isn't for them in the first place. It's an acknowledgment for those of us who repressed our true selves and felt oppressed. It is for gays who never lived to see rights and protections enshrined in law. It is for younger LGBTQ people to learn more about how far we've come and to gain a deeper sense of gay pride. For these reasons, the coin has value so much greater than any monetary designation. The coin represents both empowerment and normalization."

Read Gregory's full essay here.

Gay Dad Life

8 Pics of Ricky Martin Being an Adorable Dad Because Why Not?

Here's some pics of Ricky Martin being an adorable dad because we've ALL had a long week and deserve this don't we??

Earlier this year, in January 2019, superstar Ricky Martin and his husband Jwan Yosef shared a post via Instagram announcing that they'd welcomed a baby girl named Lucia into their family. With twin 9-year-old sons in the house as well, Ricky and Jwan now have a very full casa. Fortunately, the dads are giving us a little glimpse into their chaotic but fun-filled home lives via Instagram. We rounded up 8 of our fav recent parenting pics by the popstar because we've all had long weeks and we deserve this don't we??

Enjoy!

Keep reading... Show less
Gay Dad Life

17 T.V. Shows Featuring Gay Dad Characters

Gay dads are all the rage on the small screen these days... here are 17 shows that prominently feature gay dad characters!

The 2019-2020 TV season will soon be upon us! In recent years, gay dad characters have been all the rage... will we see more representation this fall? We sure hope so! But in the meantime, we'll be content reviewing this list of 17 shows that have (somewhat) prominently featured gay dad characters!

Also we KNOW we're missing some, so drop us a line in the comments to tell us what we should add!

1. Grace & Frankie

In this Netflix original series, Martin Sheen and Sam Waterston play gay dads who come out to their wives and children well past their primes. Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda play the ex-wives, rounding out the star-studded cast. Now in its fourth season, the show has been well received and sheds an interesting light on the complications involved with fathers who come out later in life.

Entertainment

How Fatherhood Has Impacted Tom Daley's Diving Career for the Better

British diver Tom Daley, and new-ish gay dad, is looking to qualify for the 2020 Olympics in South Korea.

British diver Tom Daley is currently in the running to qualify for the Tokyo 2020 Olympics in South Korea, his fourth if he competes, at the young age of just 26.

But he also has another concern that most young gay men his age couldn't fathom—fatherhood. He and his husband, filmmaker Dustin Lance Black, recently welcomed Robbie Ray via surrogacy in June 2018.

In an interview with the Independent, Daley explained how fatherhood has changed his routine and training, which he says is often for the better.

"It has changed my life completely in all of the best ways possible," Daley said. "It has changed my perspective, the way I think about things. [My son] is the most important thing in my life, everything I do is for him, everything I think about he is at the forefront of everything."

With respect to his diving career, Daley continued, "if you have a bad day at training, or a good day, you are grounded immediately when you get home through the door because you are having cuddles or you are having to change a dirty nappy. It is the first time that I have been able to leave diving at the diving board and not think about what I need to the next day in the pool."

Whatever the challenges he faces while training, he said, "I can leave it there because you don't have time to think about diving when you are looking after a kid under one."

The strategy seems to be working in Daley's favor. He recently enjoyed his most successful FINA Diving World Series ever this past Spring in Canada, winning 12 medals across five events. And barring any major catastrophe, he is overwhelmingly expected to qualify for South Korea 2020.

And we can't wait to cheer the young dad on!

Change the World

One Gay Dad's Fight Against Hate in Superior, Nebraska

Brian Splater is refusing to let homophobic and transphobic elected officials in his town go unchecked

Millie B. Photography

Guest post written by Brian Splater

No one ever should feel they will have a very lonely and secluded life as a child. But that is something me and many other gay kids believe as they are growing up.

The truth of the matter is there are people who will try everything in their power to have our rights go back in time instead of forward. It is very disheartening when these people are elected officials, or they are people who use their place of employment to spread their disgust and hate.

Keep reading... Show less
Politics

America's First Gay Dad Governor Heads Into the Lion's Den

Colorado Governor Jared Polis recently became the first elected Democrat to speak at the annual Western Conservative Summit in Denver

Last Friday, American's first gay dad Governor, Jared Polis, became the first elected Democrat to speak at the Western Conservative Summit in Denver, where he urged the Republican crowd to help him build a "Colorado for all."

"While we should never gloss over the things that divide us, there is a lot more that unites us," Polis said. "When we close ourselves off from discussion or debate, and we reject the possibility of hearing and understanding other perspectives, it threatens the fabric of our democracy."

If he was hoping for a Kumbaya moment, he didn't exactly get it. As he was called to the stage, he was greeted with a smattering of applause—while others booed and shouted for a "recall" of the Governor.

"It was almost unbearable for me to sit there to listen to his talk," Abby Johnson, one of the event's attendees, told the Denver Post. "And I'm going to tell you why. He kept talking about equality for all persons, yet we live in a society where 60 million innocent human beings have been slaughtered in the name of choice. Where is their justice? Where is their equal rights?"

Polis was also criticized from his left flank for attending the same event that refuses to let the Log Cabin Republicans, a group of gay GOP members, participate—and that featured Donald Trump Jr. as a speaker the same day. "To me it feels like vanity," Katie Farnan, a staffer with progressive group Indivisible, told the Denver Post. "He can go and be a hip Democratic governor who isn't afraid to go into GOP sanctuary. Or maybe it's recall insurance. But unless he was there to hold them accountable for their support for fascist and racist policies, what's the point?"

In response to the criticism from both sides of the political aisle, Polis told the Colorado Sun: "I think it's very important that Coloradans of different ideologies, different races, different geographies, different orientations and gender identities all really celebrate that we're all part of what makes Colorado great."

The event is hosted each year by Colorado Christian University to bring together conservatives from around the state, and the larger West.

What do you think, dads? Was Polis's decision to speak at the event a savvy political move or mere pandering?

Entertainment

Hate Group Boycotts 'Toy Story' for Featuring Lesbian Moms—Hilarity Ensues on Twitter

"One Million Moms" announced a boycott of the latest Toy Story movie for *very briefly* featuring lesbian moms. Twitter's response was swift and hilarious.

One Million Moms, which is affiliated with the anti-LGBTQ American Family Association, recently called for a boycott of Toy Story 4 for (very, very briefly) featuring (interracial!) lesbian moms in the animated film. The angry, hateful moms affiliated with this group must have watched the film VERY closely because you could easily blink and miss the moment that apparently "blindsided" viewers.

The Internet reacted with a collective facepalm to the ridiculous boycott. Here are some of our favorite hilarious Twitter reactions to the hateful group:

Keep reading... Show less

Fatherhood, the gay way

Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

Follow Gays With Kids

Powered by RebelMouse