Become a Gay Dad

7 Tips to Consider When Choosing Your Surrogate or Gestational Carrier

Here are 7 Important Criteria to Review Before You Meet with a Prospective Gestational Carrier


You've either found your  gestational carrier (often called a “surrogate”) on your own or through a surrogacy agency. While the relationship between prospective dad and carrier is dependent on the personalities involved, here's a checklist of 7 items that should accurately describe all gestational carriers interested in helping gay men become dads.

1. She’s gay friendly. 

Generally, gestational carriers are allowed to choose which types of families they are comfortable working with and which they are not. A good agency will take the time to ensure your gestational carrier is not only comfortable helping gay men become dads, but she is in fact truly excited by the idea!

2. She’s already successfully carried a child to term. 

Roughly 10 percent of couples are affected by infertility. As a result, surrogacy agencies only work with women who have already successfully conceived and carried a child to term. This also ensures that the carrier will know what it's like to be pregnant and to deliver a baby.

3. She’s completed her own family.

A gestational carrier’s willingness to carry your child to term shouldn't make it impossible for her to complete her own family; therefore, make sure that your gestational carrier has completed her own family before she embarks on your family-creation journey.

4. She’s younger than 40.

While there are some exceptions, most surrogacy agencies and fertility clinics will only work with adult women between 21-40 years old, which represents their peak childbearing years.

5. She has a healthy BMI. 

A body mass index (BMI) over 35 can complicate a woman’s ability to conceive. As a result, agencies work with gestational carriers whose BMI is typically no more than 33. (For an egg donor, the standards are typically stricter, since being overweight can affect the quality of a woman’s eggs.)

6. She has no recent history of mood disorders. 

Surrogacy agencies will screen potential gestational carriers based on whether they are currently taking (or have recently ceased taking) anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. Most agencies and fertility doctors require carriers to be free of such meds for a full year before entering a surrogacy contract.

7. She has emotional support from loved ones.

A gestational carrier must provide proof that her spouse is supportive of her decision  to embark on a surrogacy journey. If she is not married, she must have other people in her life who are supportive of her decision to act as a carrier, and who plan to provide love and support throughout for your carrier throughout the journey and in case of an emergency.

***

One bonus consideration that is very important!

Make sure you genuinely like your carrier and enjoy spending time with her. You are going to share many moments with each other, and you'll become intimately involved in each other's lives throughout the journey.  Carriers deserve our utmost respect and support, and should be treated like a family member. So it's very important that you get along well.

Read Surrogacy for Gay Couples and Singles.

 

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Jewish Agency to Help Cover the Costs of Surrogacy for Gay Couples

Isaac Herzog, of the Jewish Agency's Chairman of the Executive, has made it a priority to support employees family-planning journeys, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

According to an article in the Jerusalem Post, the Jewish Agency for Israel is about to become first state organization to provide financial assistance to gay employees seeking child surrogacy services overseas. The move is intended to help offset the high costs associated with conducting surrogacy abroad.

The move to do so was led by Isaac Herzog, the Jewish Agency's Chairman of the Executive, who has made it a priority to support employees family-planning journeys, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. The decision will apply to the agency's roughly 1,250 employees. The loans can be used to help cover the costs of necessary medical procedures before surrogacy, and for the process of surrogacy itself, the article notes.

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"We are also making a symbolic statement, because it reflects the egalitarian stance of a large organization that is recognizing the right of every man or woman to actualize their wish to be parents and to raise a family, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. The Jewish Agency is one big family, and all its members are equal."

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