Gay Dad Life

5 Tips to Survive Your Newborn

An Early Father’s Day Gift

My husband and I celebrated Father’s Day early this year with these three words:

“You were picked!”

My husband and I always knew that a placement could occur quickly. Six days, however, caused our worlds to turn upside-down… in the best possible sense of the term of course.

Looking back on those first few days, here is a top five list of ways we have stayed calm, cool, and collected these first few weeks:

  • Rely on others. You are going to have scads of people offering to help with purchasing items, making dinner, sitting with your new bundle of joy, etc. Take them up on it!
  • Get the bare minimum. People are going to want to buy you everything and anything. Ask for gift cards, formula and diapers. It’s amazing how few things you need right away. Don’t go crazy and buy stock in your local chain baby store. Over time, you will figure out what you need to supplement with.
  • Work out a schedule and stick to it. Surprise! Your newborn is not going to sleep through the night. Talk with your husband or partner about who is going to get up when. Mentally, it does a world of good knowing whether you are going to get a full night’s sleep, or just a few chunks of shuteye. What worked for us was dividing up the two middle-of-the-night feedings. Figure out what works for both of you. If you are single, find someone to help you for a while.
  • Cull the herd. People are going to have an opinion about EVERYTHING when it comes to babies. If something strikes you as gold, implement it. If not, just smile and nod. Identify early on your few go-to people for advice. For us, this was one set of parents and a trusted female friend who is level-headed and the mother of a 1-year old.
  • Laugh. We heard the following quotes the first week.

  • “OK, so how much FUN are you having?”
  • “I just can’t imagine the thrill in the air at your home these days.”
  • “Are you just loving every minute?”
  • Laugh at these people instead of guffawing. You are not going to love every minute. Being a dad to a newborn is the toughest job you will ever love. Enjoy the times that are great with your new bundle of joy. Those other times that aren’t enjoyable? Find humor in each moment you can.

    We are certainly not experts after three weeks of parenting. The one thing we do know for sure is that being a parent is the greatest privilege we’ve ever known. Happy Father’s Day!

    Show Comments ()
    Gay Dad Life

    'NolaPapa' Launches YouTube Channel: Story of a Gay Dad

    Check out Erik Alexander's new YouTune Channel: Story of a Gay Dad

    When we first found out that our second daughter was African American I froze. Not because of her race, but because I knew NOTHING about African American hair. So I frantically tried to learn as much as I could while she was a newborn so I was ready to style it when she was a little older.

    I decided to launch our YouTube channel Nolapapa: Story of a Gay Dad to focus on this very topic! Episodes 1-5 will solely be dedicated to learning how to wash, care for and styling African American hair. Afterwards, the content will shift towards personal & family situations, adoption, gay parenting questions and other great content! I'd love your support and become part of our little village as we launch this new project!

    Sending Nola love to each of ya!

    Keep reading... Show less
    Gay Dad Life

    Encouraged by His Son, Single Dad Richard Started Dating Again — and Just Got Married!

    After his 14 year relationship ended, Richard got a gentle push into the dating pool from an unexpected source — his son!

    In 2014, Richard Rothman's relationship of 15 years ended, leaving him understandably reluctant to jump back into the world of dating as a single gay dad. But after spending one too many Friday nights at home, he got a gentle nudge from somebody unexpected —his teenaged son, Jonathan.

    "Dad," Jonathan said. "Would you just get out of the house and go on a date already?" (You may remember wise-beyond-his-years Jonathan from this post that went viral of a tattoo he got commemorating his adoption day.)

    On his son's encouragement, Richard started dipping a tentative toe back into the dating pool. In 2015, he met Kevin thanks to mutual friends that introduced them via social media. It took four months before Richard introduced Kevin to his son, who was a Sophomore in high school at the time.

    On New Year's Eve in 2017, Kevin proposed while the couple was vacationing in Palm Springs. The city has an outdoor festival every year, he explained, which the couple attended. The band Plain White T's happened to be performing their hit "Hey There Delilah" as Kevin got down on one knee and proposed. "Now whenever I hear that song it brings back memories of that night," Richard said.

    Richard and Kevin married on March 30, 2019 back at the scene of the crime — in Palm Springs, at the Frederick Loewe Estate. Jonathan was Richard's best man, and also walked him down the aisle (awwww.....). Kevin's brother Bobby served as his best man.

    "As so many wonderful moments continue to happen for us in Palm Springs, we now own a home there in addition to our primary residence in Bentonville, Arkansas," said Richard.

    Check out video from the couple's special day below!


    And Jonathan is now an E4 Master-at-Arms in the US Navy.

    Gay Uncles

    Gay Uncles are an Essential Part of This Gay Dad Family's Village

    It takes a village to raise a child, and this village includes many gay uncles

    In November last year, Ottawa-based husbands Matt Ottaviani and Rej Gareau (whose story we shared in July) became first-time dads through surrogacy. They were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Andy and become a family of three.

    But as many of us know, raising a child isn't always just about the nuclear family. The African proverb "it takes a village to raise a child" is a commonly repeated phrase, and rings very true for many families. Matt and Rej are no different, and when they shared their story last month, one thing jumped out to us: the important role Andy's guncles play in her and her dads' lives.

    In honor of Gay Uncles Day today, we reached out to Andy's many guncles to learn first-hand how their relationship with the family affects their lives. Here's what they had to say.

    Keep reading... Show less
    Gay Dad Photo Essays

    Pics of the Moment Before and After Gay Men Become Dads

    Dig through your phones — what was the last pic taken of you BEFORE you became a dad?

    We all have THAT photo: the one taken moments after we become fathers for the first time. For some of us, we're doing "skin to skin" in a delivery room. For others, we're standing proudly alongside our newly adopted child and judge in a courtroom. However or wherever it happens, though, we make sure to snap a picture of it.

    But what about that last photo BEFORE you first became a dad? What does that image look like, we wondered? Well, we asked our Instagram community to dig through through phones and find out. Some of us are enjoying a last carefree meal or glass of wine, others of us are captured nervously contemplating our futures. Whatever it is, we've decided these BEFORE pictures are just as meaningful.

    Enjoy some of our favorites! Want to play along? Dig through your phones and send us your pics to dads@gayswithkids.com!

    Keep reading... Show less
    Entertainment

    Gay Dad in Sundance's 'Brittany Runs a Marathon' is Relatable AF

    Sundance hit "Brittany Runs a Marathon" stars a gay dad trying to get in shape.

    Who would make for the best marathon training partner for an overweight, overly boozed 27-year-old woman? A gay dad, of course!

    The pairing, for any gay man who has been subjected to impossible beauty standards (not unlike... literally all women?) makes a bit too much sense after watching the new Sundance film, "Brittany Runs a Marathon," starring SNL writer Jillian Bell (as the 27-year-old) and Micah Stock as the (somewhat *ahem* older) gay dad.

    Based on a true story, the film follows Brittany, an overweight and over-boozed 20-something, trying to clean up her act by training for the New York City marathon — while doing so, she meets Seth (the gay dad), and the two begin to train together, along with Brittany's neighbor Catherine. Each has their own motivation for running: getting one's live together, recovering from a messy divorce, or an attempt to impress one's athletic son. (Which is the gay dad? Guess you'll have to watch to find out!)

    We won't give too much more away, apart from saying that the trio — based off of actual people and events — really works. It's the feel good film you're waiting to see.

    Expert Advice

    Your 15 Most Common Questions About Adoption, Answered by an Expert

    We asked our Instagram community for their biggest questions about adoption. Then asked Molly Rampe Thomas of Choice Network to answer them.

    As part of our new "Ask an Expert" series on Instagram, our community of dads and dads-to-be sent us their questions on adoption in the United States. Molly Rampe Thomas, founder of Choice Network, answered them.

    Keep reading... Show less
    Popular

    'Life Is Amazing': Congrats to Gay Dads Whose Families Recently Grew!

    Help us congratulate gay dads on their recent births and adoptions last month!

    Wishing all of these gay dads whose families expanded in the last month or so a lifetime of happiness! Congrats to everyone in our community on their recent births and adoptions!

    Keep reading... Show less

    Fatherhood, the gay way

    Get the latest from Gays With Kids delivered to your inbox!

    Follow Gays With Kids

    Powered by RebelMouse